Monday, June 16, 2014

Life is Grand

This life is grand. And it's also kind of shitty. As I've gone from hardcore religious person to less than that, I've gone introspective to redefine the things in which I do believe. And this is my conclusion: I believe in people. Human beings. What it means to BE. Be human. This is a an observational belief. I observe, I make judgements, I modify, I take note, and then I hope. I hope for greatness from people - and from myself. I hope to see the divine in the way people interact with each other and with the world around them. And I hope more than anything to be able to reflect divinity myself. But sometimes... I'm the shitty one.

Once I tried to explain to my son to concept of "turn the other cheek" or karma or whatever it is that a person calls the higher law of not adding to ugliness and hate in the universe. We talked about a scale where weights are added to one side when you do something good or kind. And when you do something mean or hurtful, then weights are added to the other side.

The concept has stuck and it has been one that we have used over and over again to remind all of us to add goodness and kindness to the world. And one that I have tried to live by.

But. And here it is... I made a choice that has brought me some amazing and beautiful moments, but it hurt someone else. It hurt them a lot. And they are viciously holding on to that hurt and pain. And they are hurting other people around them because of this. And it all started with a questionable decision.

Now this is not the first questionable decision I have made, nor will it be the last. And this post was going to be a passive aggressive attack on all those who blame other people for their problems. (And even saying that is sort of passive aggressive... but I'm not perfect!) But what I really want to say is that I'm trying. And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to the girls that I grew up with and excluded. I was stupid and oblivious. I actually really wish we could be friends now because I bet you are probably the most interesting adults.

And there is a whole long long list of apologies that I probably need to make, but those girls I grew up with... and this most recent one, are the big ones that are almost always with me.

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